Things to discuss before the baby arrives
Big decisions often come up suddenly, when everyone is tired. Here are the things to discuss before the baby arrives, with a calm question to start each one.
Why talk early
Talking early, on a calm day, turns arguments into plans. You also find out what matters most to each other.
The topics
- Visitors in the first weeks: how much rest and quiet do we need?
- A mother or mother-in-law staying after the birth: what are we hoping for, and what worries us?
- Who is in the delivery room: what would help her feel safest?
- Chores during pregnancy and after: which five jobs matter most, and who does each one?
- Money: what is our budget, and what must be new (like the car seat)?
- Work and leave: who takes leave, and when?
- Traditions and celebrations: which ones matter to each of our families?
- Night feeds: how do we both get some sleep?
- Care for older children during the birth: who can come at 3 a.m.?
- When to announce the birth: who should hear it from us first?
- How to choose the name: together, or with a family tradition?
- Getting help if one of you feels low: who do we tell?
How to talk
- One topic at a time.
- Ask “What worries you about this?” before giving your view.
- Look for a plan you can both try for two weeks, then talk again.
Start with the Same Page check.
Questions people ask
When should we start these talks?
Any calm day works. Many couples start in the middle of pregnancy, when there is more energy and time.
How do we split chores after the baby?
Write down the daily jobs, then share them by time and energy, not by what looks fair on paper. Look at the plan again after two weeks.
How do we share the night feeds?
With formula, you can share the feeds. With breastfeeding, the partner can help with nappies and dressing, and once breastfeeding is going well can occasionally give a bottle of expressed breast milk at night (NHS). Plan it with the Night Shift Planner.
When should we plan work and leave?
Early. The NHS suggests partners sort out parental leave in good time (NHS). The leave calculator helps you see the dates.
What if we still cannot agree?
Try one plan for two weeks, then talk again. You can also answer the Same Page check to see where you already agree.
Sources
- NHS: Tips for your birthing partner or partners · checked October 26, 2026
- NHS: Postnatal depression · checked October 26, 2026